A Baby Story
So, as I’m sitting here writing this, I just dropped off my 8th grader and 4th grader at school, and now I’m back home watching my newborn sleep. Yes - my newborn. My husband and I are still looking at each other like, what did we do?! Some people have asked how it’s been for me with such a big age gap... has the recovery been harder? Have you forgotten everything? Are you tired? Yes, yes and yes! It’s been crazy, but the best kind of crazy. Our close friends and family know this story, but since I have taken a short hiatus from my blog to have the baby and recuperate a little, I felt it was only fitting to re-emerge with her story...
When our second daughter, Ryleigh, went to Kindergarten, I started feeling that yearning deep inside of wanting another baby. Braden wouldn’t even have the conversation with me about it (since he had already had things done surgically), so I decided it was probably best to let the emotions of my baby going to school settle down before revisiting the topic with him again. I mean, I probably wouldn’t want a baby after a few months anyway, right? Right.
Well, long story short, that desire didn’t go away. In the 2 years that followed, I also had begun to have dreams of myself having another baby, and we had several prophetic words spoken over us that our family wasn’t complete. Eventually, Braden and I came together and had another honest conversation about it, and he agreed to go ahead and have the reversal surgery. In June of 2016, we secretly had his surgery done, not making it public what we were doing...it was our journey, and we wanted all of our faith focused on where we believed that God was leading us. The surgery was successful, but after another year, we still hadn’t gotten pregnant. In the past, we could just look at each other and poof - a baby was conceived! However, this time around was different. A few more months went by, and we finally went to see a fertility specialist. After looking at all my test results, he gave us the news that my chances of conceiving naturally were less than .01%. He said that even IVF would more than likely fail due to certain factors in my body. I’ll be honest - I left the room crying. I was shocked! I was not expecting that my body was the problem or that there would be any obstacles other than just timing. At that moment, I didn’t feel full of faith. I didn’t feel confident in what God had spoken to us. I felt tired, worn down, confused, and even a little embarrassed thinking maybe we had missed God on the whole situation. But Braden sat there with the doctor and told him that we believed we had a promise from God, and that we would conceive naturally. The doctor wished us luck, and we left.
After that appointment, we came home, and I remember the conversation we had. We believed God had given us this desire, and that He had spoken to us that this would happen. At that moment, I remember having to re-set. That was the word that God gave me. The word “re-set” in the Webster’s dictionary means to “set again or anew.” I had to basically re-set my faith, get my mind and emotions in alignment, and remind myself what God had spoken to me about this baby. I went back to the dreams that I had that I had journaled, remembering each one in vivid detail. I went back to the prophetic words that lined up with our desires. And I went back to the night that God woke me up and gave me her name which means “God has been gracious; God has shown favor.” All of these things were anchors for our faith. They were markers of what God had promised us even though we weren’t seeing anything manifest yet in our natural realm.
In December of 2017, just one day before our 15th anniversary, I found out I was pregnant. I had planned to do something cool and surprise Braden when it happened, but I just waited until he got home that night and just blurted it out. Needless to say, we sort of sat there shocked for a bit, then we went and bought 5 more tests, and then it finally began to settle in – we were going to have a baby! God’s promises came to pass. The Bible says all God’s promises are “yes and amen” - If God promised it, then He will fulfill that promise.
Some of you may have been believing God for a baby, or for change in your family, financial breakthrough or for restoration in your children for years and years – much longer than my story. The timeline and final chapter may not be seen yet, but by faith, it’s already done. You have to settle it in your heart and mind and continue to go after God with your whole being. There are moments where your faith might waver – you may look at the waves around you and start to sink - but determine today to get back up and “re-set” your faith. Remember that your Father God loves you and wants to give you the desires that are in your heart. In the meantime- in the waiting- learn to praise Him and turn your heart towards thanking Him for the things you don’t yet have in your hand. In His timing, and as you set your heart after Him, you will see all that He has promised!
Read: Psalm 37:3-5, 1 Corinthians 1:19-20, Hebrews 12:2
Pray: Dear Heavenly Father, I trust you. I commit my life to You. I submit to You the things that are in my heart – some of these things only You know. Right now, I choose to re-set my heart and mind on You. I focus my faith on the One who is immovable, unshakeable and wants to give me the desires of my heart. I know You’ll never fail me. I thank You, in advance, for the longings of my heart coming to pass. And now, I look to You, focusing my eyes and attention on YOU - the author & finisher of my faith! In Jesus’ Name, amen!
